Today I took a free online writing class. Truly a refreshing gift to be able to explore the corners and crevices of my mind. We all had permission to let ourselves free to feel and express and organize the many changes we are feeling individually and collectively. One of the writing prompts was to walk into the shadows. Have you visited your shadows lately?
Come see what I found in my shadow spaces today...
The What Ifs
The horrible dreaded ifs came out to play today, and it isn’t even Halloween, or Tax Day.
The horrible dreaded ifs came out to play today and it isn’t even my divorce hearing, or an election disaster or predictions of the worst hurricane ever in my town. Or in your town.
The horrible dreaded ifs came out to play today and it isn’t even the time my son had to go to the hospital with an asthma attack, or the time my daughter cracked her skull, or even the time my sister and I both found breast lumps and as you can see one of us isn’t here now.
The horrible ifs. The ridiculous ifs. If we are still here tomorrow, we survived the ifs. You know the ifs, right? We all have a catalog of implausible ifs we have followed blindly and ridden too far past the gates of reason, ifs that we adorned with way too much power that finally fizzled as time moved on and revealed their fake predictions. A frenzied ride of imagination that was unreal, yet still left us depleted.
We all have ifs that have dragged us kicking and screaming into pits of darkness beyond our worst nightmares as they really did come true. And they stood face to face with us and smacked faith, hope, prayer, and optimism right out of our hands with full spite. The dreaded horrible ifs, all kinds of ifs, came out to play today and they are dragging us with them.
The horrible dreaded ifs came out to play today and it isn’t just my life, or your life that is impacted. But every single life on the planet. The horrible dreaded ifs came out to play today like a million wasp nests breaking open before ever single human being breathing on planet earth today. If we all take a minute to tell the truth about how we are feeling, it really does feel like we are all breathing wasps.
The horrible dreaded ifs came out to play today and they don’t give a damn what you think or believe, or want. They swept right into your life. And they did come full force in even though you told everyone you closed the door safe. They came fast and they came as huge cultural shifts. Fierce intention they swarmed and nested and propagated their species all over. Like messy entitled drunks, strewing used cups and pizza crusts and torn dirty socks everywhere, a path of disregard wherever they go.
The horrible dreaded ifs came out to play today. And they charge on, bonding in dark shadowy tribes to march together, growing louder, leaving more and more nests with every word spoken. Leaving an infestation of worry in their wake.
The ifs are the price we pay for meaningful life and full hearted love. Nature has its own powerful balance; with endings there is always a rebirth. And hope is more resilient than we ever know. Because that very same element that creates destruction, also creates hope. The horrible dreaded ifs came out to play today and fill our eyes and ears and thoughts, and all of our minds to the brim. And they are full right about now. We, as a collective living entity want no more. And the ifs still march on over our small blue marble.
The horrible dreaded ifs came out to play today... and yet. And ....still. There is something else about. Slowly a small whimpering “how about?’ trembles in the corner. And way over there behind a cracked door I can see a trio of hope newborns cuddling together. And subtly behind a curtain you can see and hear it, emerging with linked arms, comes a beautiful confident song rippling towards you like a comforting ocean of singing. Or is it a beautiful ocean of dance? A dance ocean that connects and joins in a language that every human understands. Perhaps it is a poem or short story ocean. Words strung together so dearly it pulls heart strings lose from fear to fly free. The song builds, it is fierce in beauty and kindness. The song captivates us each as it travels through our lives in a shared word in voice or writing from afar. Without touch we are all deeply touched. This universal song moves faster than any contagion scientists could ever imagine.
The song is full and fulfilling. The song is rich and enriching. All and more at the same time. The song is many songs and yet it is one simple song. It is louder than the ifs. It is a song so pure at heart that it disintegrates the ifs as it glides like smooth waves forward.
It sings only the word ‘humanity’, which we all just know without even having to say or acknowledge it......in any language, humanity is defined as love.